TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-27-25
APPROVED
Lasagna Layer Lord
Strength85
Speed60
Endurance95
Technique88
Molecular Density3.6
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lasagna Layer Lord VS Beef Injection
Beef Injection
94Strength
86Speed
90Endurance
81Technique
3.8Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Lasagna Layer Lord
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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