TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-27-25
APPROVED
Lasagna Layer Lord
Strength85
Speed60
Endurance95
Technique88
Molecular Density3.6
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lasagna Layer Lord VS Sausage Festival
Sausage Festival
90Strength
69Speed
90Endurance
76Technique
3.1Molecular Density
22Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sausage Festival
Violence concluded.
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