TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-27-25
APPROVED
Regional Manager Dave
Strength70
Speed45
Endurance85
Technique90
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Regional Manager Dave VS BO BAX JR FACT
BO BAX JR FACT
63Strength
104Speed
62Endurance
81Technique
38.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Regional Manager Dave
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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