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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-03-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, October 3, 2025 at 9:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Hot Dog Roller Helena

Hot Dog Roller Helena

Strength75
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique85
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread50
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hot Dog Roller Helena VS Mayhem Breakfast
Mayhem Breakfast

Mayhem Breakfast

75Strength
88Speed
72Endurance
91Technique
1.9Molecular Density
87Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Hot Dog Roller Helena
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule