TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-06-25
APPROVED
Febreze Frank “The Freshmaker”
Strength70
Speed80
Endurance70
Technique80
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread10
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Febreze Frank “The Freshmaker” VS Vacuum Vinnie
Vacuum Vinnie
85Strength
70Speed
75Endurance
70Technique
2.1Molecular Density
20Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Vacuum Vinnie
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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