TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-06-25
APPROVED
Keanu Reeves
Strength83
Speed93
Endurance77
Technique87
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread10
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Keanu Reeves VS Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris
100Strength
90Speed
100Endurance
100Technique
9.9Molecular Density
0Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Keanu Reeves
Violence concluded.
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