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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-07-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, October 7, 2025 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Vacuum Vinnie

Vacuum Vinnie

Strength89
Speed71
Endurance78
Technique72
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Vacuum Vinnie VS The Thing in the Air Ducts
The Thing in the Air Ducts

The Thing in the Air Ducts

70Strength
70Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
0.7Molecular Density
98Existential Dread
6Fingers
4Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Vacuum Vinnie
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule