TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-08-25
APPROVED
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Strength85
Speed85
Endurance60
Technique70
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja” VS Jerkoff Sysadmin Manager
Jerkoff Sysadmin Manager
28Strength
116Speed
117Endurance
29Technique
21.4Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
7Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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