TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-08-25
APPROVED
The Waffle Iron
Strength70
Speed88
Endurance66
Technique76
Molecular Density3.3
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Waffle Iron VS Pancake Stabber Stevens
Pancake Stabber Stevens
77Strength
81Speed
68Endurance
74Technique
3.1Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pancake Stabber Stevens
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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