TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-14-25
APPROVED
Messy Tessie
Strength66
Speed84
Endurance63
Technique77
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread30
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Messy Tessie VS Bingo Bertha "The Destroyer"
Bingo Bertha "The Destroyer"
45Strength
40Speed
95Endurance
98Technique
1.1Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
8Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Messy Tessie
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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