TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-14-25
APPROVED
Surprise Bill Betty
Strength76
Speed72
Endurance82
Technique70
Molecular Density3.5
Existential Dread66
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Surprise Bill Betty VS Toilet Bowl Stain Steve
Toilet Bowl Stain Steve
79Strength
67Speed
75Endurance
79Technique
3.1Molecular Density
48Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Surprise Bill Betty
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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