TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-18-25
APPROVED
Mommy Issues Mike
Strength55
Speed48
Endurance65
Technique58
Molecular Density1.4
Existential Dread87
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Mommy Issues Mike VS Fists McExistential
Fists McExistential
88Strength
55Speed
70Endurance
62Technique
0.9Molecular Density
97Existential Dread
8Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Mommy Issues Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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