TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-01-25
APPROVED
Too Many Tabs Open
Strength68
Speed78
Endurance57
Technique87
Molecular Density1.2
Existential Dread85
Fingers20
Toes0
TALE OF THE TAPE
Too Many Tabs Open VS The Rock Johnson
The Rock Johnson
87Strength
78Speed
84Endurance
81Technique
3.5Molecular Density
20Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Rock Johnson
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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