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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-01-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, November 1, 2025 at 11:00 AM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Polymer McGillicuddy

Polymer McGillicuddy

Strength88
Speed75
Endurance91
Technique80
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers13
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Polymer McGillicuddy VS Hair in the Drain Helena
Hair in the Drain Helena

Hair in the Drain Helena

79Strength
64Speed
70Endurance
77Technique
2.4Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Hair in the Drain Helena
Violence concluded.
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