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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-01-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, November 1, 2025 at 11:30 AM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Hair in the Drain Helena

Hair in the Drain Helena

Strength79
Speed64
Endurance70
Technique77
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread40
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hair in the Drain Helena VS The Rock Johnson
The Rock Johnson

The Rock Johnson

87Strength
78Speed
84Endurance
81Technique
3.5Molecular Density
20Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Rock Johnson
Violence concluded.
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