TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-03-25
APPROVED
Lawnmower Jesus
Strength74
Speed68
Endurance52
Technique106
Molecular Density92.4
Existential Dread77
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lawnmower Jesus VS Chairman of the Floor
Chairman of the Floor
65Strength
72Speed
83Endurance
80Technique
1.1Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Chairman of the Floor
Violence concluded.
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