TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-04-25
APPROVED
Sprinkler System Sam
Strength80
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread28
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sprinkler System Sam VS Garage Sale Gloria
Garage Sale Gloria
70Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
80Technique
2.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Garage Sale Gloria
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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