TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-07-25
APPROVED
Derek Moneyberg
Strength71
Speed71
Endurance86
Technique72
Molecular Density57.2
Existential Dread45
Fingers13
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Derek Moneyberg VS Lawnmower Jesus
Lawnmower Jesus
74Strength
68Speed
52Endurance
106Technique
92.4Molecular Density
77Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Derek Moneyberg
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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