TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-02-25
APPROVED
Shuffleboard Shirley
Strength50
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique95
Molecular Density1.3
Existential Dread50
Fingers10
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Shuffleboard Shirley VS Robert Trujillo
Robert Trujillo
80Strength
80Speed
88Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Robert Trujillo
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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