TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-08-25
APPROVED
Participation Trophy Tom
Strength46
Speed52
Endurance58
Technique62
Molecular Density1.0
Existential Dread80
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Participation Trophy Tom VS Hot Sauce Harold “The Burninator”
Hot Sauce Harold “The Burninator”
96Strength
75Speed
70Endurance
60Technique
4.8Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Hot Sauce Harold “The Burninator”
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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