TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-08-25
APPROVED
Fresh Rodriguez
Strength75
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread35
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Fresh Rodriguez VS Participation Trophy Tom
Participation Trophy Tom
46Strength
52Speed
58Endurance
62Technique
1.0Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Fresh Rodriguez
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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