TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-17-25
APPROVED
Crouton Crusher
Strength80
Speed60
Endurance80
Technique80
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread25
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Crouton Crusher VS Broccoli Backhand
Broccoli Backhand
70Strength
80Speed
70Endurance
80Technique
1.9Molecular Density
18Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Broccoli Backhand
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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