TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-19-25
APPROVED
Pancake Stabber Stevens
Strength77
Speed81
Endurance68
Technique74
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread35
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pancake Stabber Stevens VS Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying”
Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying”
70Strength
90Speed
60Endurance
80Technique
1.3Molecular Density
52Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pancake Stabber Stevens
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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