TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-19-25
APPROVED
The Thing in the Air Ducts
Strength70
Speed70
Endurance70
Technique90
Molecular Density0.7
Existential Dread98
Fingers6
Toes4
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Thing in the Air Ducts VS Nextdoor Neighbor Ned
Nextdoor Neighbor Ned
75Strength
85Speed
65Endurance
75Technique
2.3Molecular Density
38Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Thing in the Air Ducts
Violence concluded.
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