TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-19-25
APPROVED
Barista Brad "Caffeine Crusher"
Strength60
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Barista Brad "Caffeine Crusher" VS Neckbeard Nathan
Neckbeard Nathan
65Strength
60Speed
85Endurance
95Technique
2.8Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Neckbeard Nathan
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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