TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-26-25
APPROVED
Shrek
Strength95
Speed50
Endurance90
Technique60
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Shrek VS Baiten Switch
Baiten Switch
40Strength
75Speed
75Endurance
110Technique
5.8Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
0Fingers
25Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Shrek
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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