TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-26-25
APPROVED
Slurpee Samurai Steve
Strength80
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique90
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread35
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Slurpee Samurai Steve VS Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
70Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
80Technique
2.3Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Slurpee Samurai Steve
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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