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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-01-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, December 1, 2025 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Prior Authorization Paul

Prior Authorization Paul

Strength83
Speed70
Endurance69
Technique78
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread58
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Prior Authorization Paul VS Hair in the Drain Helena
Hair in the Drain Helena

Hair in the Drain Helena

82Strength
66Speed
73Endurance
79Technique
2.4Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Hair in the Drain Helena
Violence concluded.
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