TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-02-25
APPROVED
The Waffle Iron
Strength70
Speed88
Endurance66
Technique76
Molecular Density3.3
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Waffle Iron VS The Thing in the Air Ducts
☠️ The Thing in the Air Ducts ☠️
70Strength
70Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
0.7Molecular Density
98Existential Dread
6Fingers
4Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Waffle Iron
Violence concluded.
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