TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-04-25
APPROVED
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
Strength124
Speed103
Endurance27
Technique66
Molecular Density52.7
Existential Dread35
Fingers11
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With VS Count Dankula
Count Dankula
93Strength
54Speed
76Endurance
77Technique
14.2Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
15Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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