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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-05-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, August 5, 2025 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Comfort Gecko

Comfort Gecko

Strength50
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density0.3
Existential Dread40
Fingers4
Toes4
TALE OF THE TAPE
Comfort Gecko VS Black Friday Brenda
Black Friday Brenda

Black Friday Brenda

95Strength
85Speed
90Endurance
75Technique
3.5Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Black Friday Brenda
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule