TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-16-25
APPROVED
Captain Yawnpunch
Strength55
Speed38
Endurance88
Technique84
Molecular Density1.2
Existential Dread67
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Captain Yawnpunch VS Ringo Starr
Ringo Starr
45Strength
70Speed
70Endurance
85Technique
1.8Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Captain Yawnpunch
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Authenticate via Discord to access violence wagering systems