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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-01-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 1, 2026 at 3:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With

The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With

Strength120
Speed100
Endurance20
Technique60
Molecular Density52.7
Existential Dread35
Fingers11
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With VS Baiten Switch
Baiten Switch

Baiten Switch

40Strength
75Speed
75Endurance
110Technique
5.8Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
0Fingers
25Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Baiten Switch
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule