TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-01-26
APPROVED
Soccer Mom Supreme
Strength75
Speed95
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Soccer Mom Supreme VS Moon Landing Mike
Moon Landing Mike
75Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
88Technique
0.7Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moon Landing Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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