TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-25-25
APPROVED
Professor Punches
Strength80
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique95
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread40
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Professor Punches VS Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
70Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
80Technique
2.3Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Professor Punches
Violence concluded.
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