TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-25-25
APPROVED
Pork Chop Paradise
Strength91
Speed65
Endurance85
Technique75
Molecular Density3.2
Existential Dread8
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pork Chop Paradise VS X-Ray Xavier
X-Ray Xavier
65Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
95Technique
1.8Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pork Chop Paradise
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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