TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-16-26
APPROVED
Autoplay Assassin
Strength75
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Autoplay Assassin VS Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
70Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
80Technique
2.3Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Autoplay Assassin
Violence concluded.
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