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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 17, 2026 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Vacuum Vinnie

Vacuum Vinnie

Strength85
Speed70
Endurance75
Technique70
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Vacuum Vinnie VS Dr. Membrane PhD
Dr. Membrane PhD

Dr. Membrane PhD

34Strength
67Speed
81Endurance
118Technique
0.9Molecular Density
73Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Dr. Membrane PhD
Violence concluded.
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