TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
Generic Cola Gary
Strength74
Speed83
Endurance63
Technique80
Molecular Density3.0
Existential Dread39
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Generic Cola Gary VS Low Battery Mode
Low Battery Mode
102Strength
2Speed
104Endurance
105Technique
10.0Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
20Fingers
20Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Low Battery Mode
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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