TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-20-26
APPROVED
Uncle Kick Salad
Strength70
Speed85
Endurance68
Technique77
Molecular Density0.8
Existential Dread31
Fingers10
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Uncle Kick Salad VS Probability Jane
Probability Jane
66Strength
73Speed
82Endurance
79Technique
1.0Molecular Density
61Existential Dread
5Fingers
15Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Uncle Kick Salad
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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