TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-09-25
APPROVED
Fresh Rodriguez
Strength30075
Speed10090
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread35
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Fresh Rodriguez VS Gilbert Gottfried
Gilbert Gottfried
30Strength
1Speed
65Endurance
1Technique
1.5Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Fresh Rodriguez
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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