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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, August 9, 2025 at 11:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Fresh Rodriguez

Fresh Rodriguez

Strength30075
Speed10090
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread35
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Fresh Rodriguez VS Gilbert Gottfried
Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried

30Strength
1Speed
65Endurance
1Technique
1.5Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Fresh Rodriguez
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule