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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-23-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 23, 2026 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
LinkedIn Larry "Professional Network"

LinkedIn Larry "Professional Network"

Strength75
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique85
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
LinkedIn Larry "Professional Network" VS Karen of the Comments
Karen of the Comments

Karen of the Comments

60Strength
75Speed
80Endurance
92Technique
2.1Molecular Density
88Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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