TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-25-25
APPROVED
Closing Time Tim
Strength85
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique80
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Closing Time Tim VS Messy Tessie
Messy Tessie
65Strength
80Speed
60Endurance
75Technique
2.1Molecular Density
30Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Closing Time Tim
Violence concluded.
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