TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-12-25
APPROVED
Hot Dog Roller Helena
Strength75
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique85
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread50
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hot Dog Roller Helena VS Sixpack Santiago
Sixpack Santiago
88Strength
70Speed
92Endurance
65Technique
2.6Molecular Density
30Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sixpack Santiago
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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