TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-22-25
APPROVED
Artisanal Windbreaker
Strength22
Speed43
Endurance20
Technique38
Molecular Density0.9
Existential Dread92
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Artisanal Windbreaker VS Fart Sniffer Supreme
Fart Sniffer Supreme
57Strength
77Speed
84Endurance
82Technique
0.8Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Fart Sniffer Supreme
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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