TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-26-25
APPROVED
James Hetfield
Strength90
Speed75
Endurance95
Technique85
Molecular Density3.8
Existential Dread40
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
James Hetfield VS Returns Policy Rita
Returns Policy Rita
65Strength
75Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
2.2Molecular Density
88Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
James Hetfield
Violence concluded.
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