TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-27-25
APPROVED
Lottery Ticket Larry
Strength59
Speed60
Endurance95
Technique98
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lottery Ticket Larry VS John Cena
John Cena
95Strength
85Speed
90Endurance
80Technique
3.1Molecular Density
15Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
John Cena
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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