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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-03-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, October 3, 2025 at 11:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
James Hetfield

James Hetfield

Strength86
Speed73
Endurance89
Technique77
Molecular Density3.8
Existential Dread40
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
James Hetfield VS The Last Two Percent
The Last Two Percent

The Last Two Percent

98Strength
97Speed
99Endurance
100Technique
0.0Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
2Fingers
0Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Last Two Percent
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule