TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-11-25
APPROVED
Snack Attack Stan
Strength70
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique70
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Snack Attack Stan VS Fresh Rodriguez
Fresh Rodriguez
76Strength
92Speed
71Endurance
101Technique
2.1Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Snack Attack Stan
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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