TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-13-25
APPROVED
The Unlicensed Magician
Strength104
Speed47
Endurance87
Technique62
Molecular Density73.2
Existential Dread100
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Unlicensed Magician VS Moist Carl
Moist Carl
94Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
61Technique
61.4Molecular Density
86Existential Dread
10Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Unlicensed Magician
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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